Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
