She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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