What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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