I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
