Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize