There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
