Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
