I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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