im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
