Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
