was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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