I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
