Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
