i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
