remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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