Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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