my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
