i need an iv and a liver transplant
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
