craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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