I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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