Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
