What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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