my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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