i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
