dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
