Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
