I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
