He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
