good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
