We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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