Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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