normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
