They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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