We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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