can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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