hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My ass is underappreciated
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
