I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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