That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
