He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
