No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize