Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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