just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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