He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry about my life...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
