Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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