ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
