Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
