I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
