the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
