The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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