His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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