I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am naked and annoyed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize