then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my being single is dangerous.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
