Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
