i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
