I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
