you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
