this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
