look no pants
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
