Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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