the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
