people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize