Non-Jews are for practice
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
