sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You can't special order awesome
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
