Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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