At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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