i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
