No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
