I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we made out on top of his cat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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