my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
