The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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