Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i will never coherently bang her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
