I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
