when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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