There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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