I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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