i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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