I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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