im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
