Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
