??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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