Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
be right there i have to get my cape
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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