My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
