Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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