Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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