I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize