Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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