wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My ass is underappreciated
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
