If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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