someone get that fucking seahorse.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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