I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
