Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
