WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
