New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize