I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
