I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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